Cheapskate Survival Tactics in the City of Lights

Problem #1: Laundry
Description of the problem: My whole stay in France is 30 days. As much as I would have liked, I could not bring 30 days of clean clothes with me. Unfortunately, doing laundry at a laverie, or laundry mat, is absolutely ridiculously obscenely expensive. For the price of drying one load of laundry properly, I could eat SEVEN baguettes. That is A LOT of bread to get some stupid clothes dry.
Solution #1: The Old College Days Standby- Febreeze. This product alone was probably responsible for my EVER smelling decent my senior year of college. It was liberally sprayed on individual clothing items, and when truly lazy was just sprayed on the whole dang pile. Since most of my shirts are dry-clean only anyway, a gentle spritz of Febreeze in the general pit area keeps me from smelling too awful. My only consolation in France is that everybody else stinks, too.
Solution #2: Fact- you CAN wash a load of garments in your bath tub. Using dishsoap. Fact- it gets them clean. Fact- it is hard work... but SEVEN baguettes??? It is probably worth seven baguettes of effort. Fact- they take FOREVER to dry, so don't wait until you're down to your last solitary pair.

Problem #2: Food
Description of the problem: Food, and everything else for that matter, is not cheap in Paris.
Solution: Baguette! In France, bread is the one food that I KNOW everyone, even the homeless and the unemployed and the unpaid slave labor legal interns, can afford. I have found a bakery where a mere .80 euro will procure me over three feet of glorious crusty chewy baguette goodness.

Problem #3: Dry-Clean Only Items
Solution: Febreeze and eat carefully and you, too, will not have to dry clean when you are across the ocean. Or ever, for that matter.

Problem #4: Entertainment
Description of the Problem: So... movies are ridiculously expensive here. And in French, so I won't understand them anyway. And I swear, only the worst of American cinema gets here ever.
Solution #1: Spindly used bookstore in Saint-Denis where I can get kids books that I read in English when I was little in French (so I feel like I actually understand something) for under 3 euros.
Solution #2: Feet and a camera. Feet and a camera provide endless hours of entertainment.
Solution #3: YouTube videos, BABY!

Problem #5: Electricity
Description of the Problem: So, in addition to my obscene amount of rent, I am also responsible for paying the electricity bill. Trouble is, I don't know how much electricity costs here, so I am paranoid about turning any lights on or using electronic appliances.
Solution: Sit in the absolute dark. Unplug every appliance after using it, in case some residual energy gets sucked into the appliance while it sits. Read by the light of the laptop (when it is NOT plugged into the wall, of course). Charge laptop when it has only 14.5 minutes left of battery.

I should make my own TV show.